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1.
Downer 03:02
All my friends are at a party Trying to work on a better buzz. Oh, I feel so alone. Stuck inside my home. Oh, I don’t know where I went wrong. I’m sure they’re better off without me. I’m such a downer anyway. So, I’ll just stay at home. Where I can be alone. Oh, I’ve been like this all along I hope it’s all in my head, But I think I’ll stay at home instead. It’s hard enough to try to get out of bed. I think I’ll stay at home instead. I think I’ll stay at home instead.
2.
Bedridden 04:33
Woke up to a missed call from my dad I slept through class again, but I don’t really feel that bad. My roommate’s in another time zone. I’m sure he’s sick of all the time I spend alone. I can’t get out of my bed. Duct tape can’t fix all that's inside my head. I know I’m not doing anything for the rest of the week, but with a fake smile on my face I tell all my friends that I’m busy. I stare at the medals on the wall those decorations that mean nothing… at all. My gaze eventually hits the floor. I feel so distant I can’t control myself anymore I can’t get out of my bed. Can’t someone please tell me if I am dead. I know I’m not doing anything for the rest of the week, but with a fake smile on my face I tell all my friends that I’m busy. I know I’m not doing anything, but I can’t get that through my dumb brain. I know I’m not doing anything for the rest of the week, but with a fake smile on my face I tell all my friends that I’m busy.
3.
Song 3 03:31
I’ve never felt this way about anybody else but you. Do you feel the same way as I… Do you wanna hang sometime? Maybe we can get a drink or two? I’m scared I’ll fuck up this one too. I just wanna say that you’re always on my mind. I hope that it’s okay that I call you all the time. All I wanna do is just waste all my days away with you. And I hope you feel it too. I’m so nervous I can barely look into your face. Maybe we can go back to my… Place another kiss upon me, it makes all my fears go away. I just can’t find the words to say. Everyone talks about love, but I didn’t know what it was until I met you. Maybe I could be in love, but I didn’t know what it was until I met you. I just wanna say that you’re always on my mind. I hope that it’s okay that I call you all the time. All I wanna do is just waste all my days away with you. And I hope you feel it too.
4.
Eventually 03:47
I open my eyes and I see you sleeping next to me. And I ask myself how lucky could I be? But my mind it gets to wandering. I’m pondering How long will this really last? I’m so happy that you’re here, But I’m so scared of when you’ll leave ‘Cause everybody that I know has left me… Eventually. I feel like I've been here before. It’s happened so many times That I don’t even know what to do anymore. And I just put my head back onto the pillow, so I could just lay here and wallow, like I usually do. I’m so happy that you’re here, But I’m so scared of when you’ll leave ‘Cause everybody that I know has left me… Eventually. I don't ever wanna let you down, but it's kinda in my character to let you down. And I don't ever wanna see you go 'cause I hate myself when I’m alone. I’m so happy that you’re here, But I’m so scared of when you’ll leave ‘Cause everybody that I know has left me… Eventually.
5.
Group Chat 06:10
I’m done with all the fake. I’m done with all the passive aggressive bullshit. Just say it to my face if you really have such a problem with me. ‘Cause I don’t wanna waste my time worrying about problems that I seem to cause and that you can’t let go of. Who will you blame when I’m gone? I want you to know that I’ve seen your fucking group chat. And lo did I behold that you said “Brian needs a fucking friend” ‘Cause after all this time of feeling sorry for you for all the things that I do, I’m finally fucking through. Maybe this time it’ll be true. Do I feel better now that I’ve proven to myself that all my friends hate me? Do I? Oh, Do I? I feel like I’ll never change until I never see you again. Why oh why did you stab me in the back when my arms were wide open (for you)? All the time you tell me how much I really hurt you, but now I know you. Leave the door (open just a crack), so I can see the things you do behind my back. Do I feel better now that I’ve proven to myself that all my friends hate me? Do I? I don’t know… I feel like I’ll never change until I never see you again. Why oh why did you stab me in the back when my arms were wide open for you? You’re not as perfect as you think you are. I’m not perfect either, but admitting it’s a start. So, get your head out of your ass and don’t pretend you’re doing me a service. I’m done with this shit. It sucks. I’m sick. I feel left out. I’m done with this, but now I know. And I’ll say it to the end that you are not my friends. You’re not my friends.
6.
Never 03:38
I’ve been doing all the same things for days. Maybe I should learn somehow to change. But instead I just sit around and do nothing at all. Maybe I should just learn how to give in. I just stare at the ceiling for just a moment or two, or maybe it was forever. And I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one inside this damn apartment, but maybe that’s because I never leave my room. And I’ve been wearing the same clothes that I wore yesterday, but maybe I might as well just wear them tomorrow-oh. I feel like I’m always wasting my time. Like nothing that I do is ever worth the while. It gives me a feeling like my heart’s about to fall. I feel like I’m always wasting my life. I just stare at the ceiling watching the fan go ‘round, watch it spin forever. Forever. And I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one inside this damn apartment, but maybe that’s because I never leave my room. And I’ve been wearing the same clothes that I wore yesterday, but maybe I’ll find the strength to change them tomorrow-oh. I can’t take it anymore.
7.
Untitled 02:28
I don’t wanna wait here for too long. ‘Cause I know if I do I’ll turn to stone. I really need to get out of here. Don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Every single day feels like a chore. I really need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I don’t know where to go, but I feel so alone and... Maybe I’ll get there someday if I just keep on walking. I don’t wanna wait here for too long. ‘Cause I know if I do I’ll turn to stone. I really need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I don’t know where to go, but I feel so alone and... Maybe I’ll get there someday if I just keep on walking. I don’t wanna run. I don’t wanna hide, But I need to feel alive. And I feel so scared, But I need to fight What’s inside my mind. And I know that I’m just freaking out, But it hurts to know that I could be doing something to help me figure out where I’m supposed to be, then I’ll finally be free.
8.
Interlude 03:36
I’ve been thinking of dying and drinking too much caffeine. All the things done subconsciously to keep me from falling asleep. I’m so scared of the silence, the darkness and the unknown. Feels like I’m in some sort of interlude. Waiting with nowhere to go. Because I just try. Try to forget all the dark thoughts inside my head. Easy said, but harder done. I’m hanging on by a single thread. Because I just try. Try to forget. And think of all the good things instead. Easy to say, but oh so much harder to do. I hope that I can make it through.
9.
Franklin 06:20
For as long as I can remember, I have always been alone. Maybe found a couple people that can tolerate me sometimes. But every time I think I found someone who cares, I have to laugh because of course it wouldn’t last. Now I’m back to the loner I was yesterday. Locked between these four walls everyday. I don’t need you laughing at me, I’m already laughing at myself. It’s so much easier to be self-deprecating. And I don’t wanna feel the way I’ve felt for the past four months. I don’t wanna feel alone. Thinking back into the past when my dad used to call me Franklin. How I wish to be a kid who didn’t have to give a shit. About what I did yesterday or what I have to do tomorrow. Nothing in the back of my mind to make me hate myself. But now I’m feeling anxious about all the things I say. I hope I can find a way to… find a way to push on again today. I don’t need you laughing at me, I’m already laughing at myself. It’s so much easier to be self-deprecating. And I don’t wanna feel the way I’ve felt for the past five months. I don’t wanna feel alone. Alone. Now I’m scrolling through my twitter feed for what feels like an eternity, so I can get some dopamine. This year has been too long. I can't wait 'til I go home. I don't wanna be here anymore. I don’t need you laughing at me, I’m already laughing at myself. It’s so much easier to be self-deprecating. And I don’t wanna feel the way I’ve felt for the past six fucking months. I don’t wanna feel alone. I hope it’s all in my head (all in my head). I think I’ll stay at home instead (stay at home in-ooo). It’s hard enough to get out of bed. All my friends were at a party. Back when I thought they were still friends. So, I’ll just stay at home. Feeling sick and all alone. Oh, all these times that I’ve gone wrong.
10.
Closer 05:46
I never deserved you. Maybe that’s why I hurt you, But I know that’s wishful thinking. I was the one worth leaving. I wish I could love you, And be selfless to you. I wish I could give you so much more. I feel like I’m closer to… being the person I want to. And I know and I know and I know and I know when you went away; all I wanted to say… is. I wish I could love you, And be selfless to you. I wish I could give you so much more. I never put in what I wanted out. I made you feel guilty for not being around. I wanna say sorry but I know that’s not what you want. Not what you want. I knew you were my favorite disaster. I knew you were the best thing to happen… The best thing to happen to me. I wish I could love you (I never deserved you), And be selfless to you (I wanted to say). I wish I could give you so much more. I wish I could love you, The way that you loved me. I wish I could love you and that’s the truth. That’s the truth.

credits

released November 25, 2022

All songs written by Brian Wendt

Brian Wendt - guitar, bass, vocals
Ben Peterfreund - drums, percussion
Hunter Davidsohn - moog (3), other synths (4, 8)
Rain Johannes - pedal steel (3), guitar (6), mellotron (7)
Jake Zall - trumpet (5, 9)
Joe Petilio - saxophone (9)

Recorded by Hunter Davidsohn at Business District Recording in Johnson City, NY
Mixing and Additional Recording by Rain Johannes at Goose Room in Staten Island, NY
Mastered by Joe Ippolito

Cover art designed by Izzy Henn
Photo taken by Lori Hudson

Thank you to Hunter and Ben for dealing with me while recording. To Brendan O'Shea for letting me stay in your apartment for multiple weekends (even if our schedules didn’t line up too often to hang out lol). To my 2010 Honda Crosstour for only breaking down once on my many trips upstate and back. To Levi Matza for keeping me motivated to write and record music. To Rain Johannes for killing it on the mix and coming up with beautiful harmonies that I totally butchered. To Adam King and Brian Watala for teaching me how to play guitar. To Jeff Rosenstock, Prince Daddy and the Hyena, Modern Baseball, Weezer, the Strokes and Blink 182 for the inspiration to write music of my own. I hope you all get a chance to listen to this and are proud of what it became.

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